Dinasour Extraordinaire!

Happy Early Birthday You.




A tripping hippie points to a Eucalyptus
and says
"Hey man....didja know man?
That every time you carve your name
into a tree, you get younger by exactly 13 months?"

He carves my name into the tree for me.
Wild eyed. And tie-dyed.
And Ive been holding that pocketknife ever since

Waiting to give it to you.

Because YOU....
are a jukebox full of sad songs

You make me want to wander the south
With a bottle of shine, and a hammer

And pull the nails out of every window sill
That ever kept kids from sneaking out
to an Elvis concert.

This year.
I hid Dynamite
in your roman candle cake
And made you a macaroni necklace.

I want to see your face blast apart
into a run-away run-way smile
My lips could land...

ANYWHERE!

If you wont get up, I'll lie down.
And share your chalk-line mattress
To un-invent your acheing

I have this idea that I can sneak into you
Just un-hinge your doors
Like a cheap magic trick
And waltz down your throat

But most days, I step on a land-mine
before I can drop a coin in you

I want you to know it's OKAY
To sing your blues to me!

I'm in the mood for you

I miss your Antarctica shoulders
like an Astronaut misses gravity

and your equator thighs
the way Kamikazi pilots miss their bombs.

I miss your disguises
the way all adults miss saying "HOLY MOLY!"

Our love is rough.
Sometimes its a wrestling match
Huge oily man in spandex
jumping off a ladder
smashing a chair into your face.

Sometimes its dysfunctional

A NASA rocket launch
To the Saturn.
....Aimed into someones back yard

And we are karate chopping
each others faces into oblivion
to see who gets to push the button

Bad coordinates never stopped anyone
from planting a flag.
or moonwalking.

Sometimes its a Charlie Chaplin movie.
Quiet, and dark as a theater.
And nothing needs to be said.

Its silly.
Like being buried in a tie-dye shirt
and at your own open casket funeral
Nobody will know what to say except
HOLY MOLY

Our love is a city in Alaska
built on goodbye kisses
It has no umbrella stores
And one HUGE airport.

It gives us six months to hibernate
And six more to hit the snooze.

Someday
Id like to grab your ass
throw you over my shoulder
and send us both over the cliffs
to find the coordinates of
every would-be ship slave ship

I hope you know how to sink.

And cut chains.

Our love is a postcard you cant throw away
whether it says "Hi"
or "Greetings from your future Alien Abductor!"

Your veins are spliced with Trigonometry
and I want purge you of every math problem I cant solve
Even if the end equation is YOU>me.

Man, if I had to deploy again
I would bring you with me
So we could organize our own Tank Brigade

Just you and me and ten thousand
"Singing-arm-waiving-in-tongues-speaking-Hallelujah-Amen-Write-Me-a-Check-TV-Evangelists!"

You and I can represent
"The-Broke-Sinning-Hallelujah-Amen-thank-God-we-dont-actually-go-to-this-Church"
Minority.

We will be the "Holy Rollers"
Or maybe even
Holy.......
...........Moly

We preach firepower damnation

And Salvation through HUGE donations
of rabbit feet.

You would become the luckiest girl alive.

And Ghandi would be proud.
With a long drawn out P.

Like this: "Prruuuuuhhhhhhhhhh-ROUD!"

You...
are big during the day
You've got a face that takes up the whole mirror.
And a heart that could spontaneously dis-assemble
Every tank in Tiananmen Square

At night you're small.
You only take up an extra half persons percentage of the bed.

That percentage is too high.

Your Birthday present this year
is a bottle of moths
You can let out to find the light.
or destroy my clothes.

If we lived in Alaska
Your present would be the secret
Of the northern lights.

A Mediterranean circadean rythm

And a pile of deer carcasses
to fatten you up for winter.

If you were turning 81 it would be a
Cake the size of a bed, with 18 Candles
And a "retemodo"
Which is odometer spelled backwards.

You get the point.

If your birthday were spent in prison
Id smuggle you out inside a hollowed Bible
In very small peices

We'd hide in the swamps from the hounds
and hop trains out west to escape the Tommy Guns
and lynch mobs of half the counties in Lousiana.

Man,
If you ever become a dinasour.
Please dont go extinct.

At least not before I get a sample
of your DNA
and a fancy college degree

Because I really hate museums.

Confession:
I took one of your birthday wishes.

And wished that we could have an adventure together.
I dont care what it is.

Flying Plastic Dog shit out of Hong Kong

Hunting Moby Dick

Meeting the Devil on top of a mountain in Tennessee

Or becoming THE premiere trapeze act
at the greatest show on earth
No nets.
Just to tease gravity.

I want you to live to be so old
that the candles on your cake
are a rocket launch inferno at Zero Hour
to which nobodys eyes can adjust

I want your cake to be so damn good
that everyone tries to use your birthday wish
to wish for bigger mouths.

I want you to get so old
that your face looks like beef jerky
And I call you "Ol Hickory"

I want you to get so old
Your party will be the end of the world bash
Thrown to prove the Mayans and Nostradamus wrong,

I want you party to ACTUALLY end the world by causing
a bizzarre mass jailbreak of animals
from every Zoo in the world.

Everyone will be there for that LAST night of
Pirahana pool marco polo.
Gorilla indian-burn madness.
Pin the tail on the menstruating lioness.
"Hide and seek and probably get eaten"
Cheetah tag.
Elephant stampede jolly jump.
Drinking games against Camels.
Python suffocation tire swing.
Hyena dance party feeding frenzy.
Flock of Geese Pillow Fight.
Vulture Charades Slumber Party

I want to bring you a word.
Everyone else will bring one too.
But nobody's will mean the same as mine.

My word is "Whoa"
It means Beautiful
in Kerouac

I want you to get so old
that you wont remember
If I gave you the same thing
when when you got married:
A beaver pelt
And a coupon
for 5 free air guitar lessons!

I want you to get so old.
That I have nothing left to give you but my pocketknife

Man,
If you had that, I'd be a stump,
and you'd be 6 again.