Grandmother has 3000 miles of rusty train-tracks
written deep in her hands
She says when she was a young woman
Grandfather used to read her palms
and tell her that she had great luck
that her life-line was strong
For her 85th birthday, she tied rockets to her skates
and went ripping down into town
barley holding her pants up
I only know that she told the police
she was training to be a samurai
The police said someone so obviously senile
should be kept in-doors
Grandmother gave them a good fight
She is a hard old woman
She was on the river,
north of Nagasaki when the bomb detonated
She searched the city for 5 days
and never even found Grandfathers glasses
She tried to place the rubble of their home in her pockets
and carry it forever.
She put so much in her pockets, that they ripped
And she hurt her back.
She was pregnant, and very determined.
Maybe this is why she holds everything in her hands.
I asked her when I met my husband
why she did not search the city
for 5 decades for Grandfather
She said because she was tough enough to wait.
I did not know what she was waiting for.
She was old.
And smelled strange
She would mumble often
about tortoises that lived for hundreds of years
She said it is a great misfortune to live that long
"It is unimaginable"-she said
And she would spit into the ground.
And rub her hands together as if to warm them.
Or smooth out the growing wrinkles.
I did not know then that she was also speaking about herself
When Akiko was born,
we let grandmother live with us
So we could take care of her.
And she could help with Akiko
Her hard old hands have many wrinkles
And I want to read them to her
To tell her she IS lucky
To tell her that when my mother died
It wasn't her fault
To mend her frayed pockets....
And then a few months ago
I became pregnant again
She cried with happiness
She said her pockets were mending.
That she might let a man read her Palms again someday.
We all said "Gross!"
But she just smiled and sipped on her tea
and said
"Love is life multiplied by a number nobody has ever heard of"
At the baby shower
She gave my husband a house-plant
that has pollen which creates erotic dreams
I still do not know why
************
When grandmother heard the news Broadcast
We were in the garden
we were collecting ladybugs and fireflies
we were putting them into big glass jars
Akiko was laughing like small children do
her heart was a jar full of ladybugs
We did not know
When Grandmother came outside
her words were a cliff dive in my stomach
she said:
the earth is trembling with sadness
it is sorry it can not hold back the sea
we have to tell the children they are magic!
we have to tell them they can breathe underwater!
we have to tell them this is just practice!
I asked her what she was talking about.
"The sirens"-she said
"They are not working."
My pockets felt like they were tearing
Like I was carrying a desert of sand in them
My belly was large, I could not move very well
We felt the waves coming
Grandmother and I looked over the fence towards the docks,
we heard screaming and the thunder of collapsing buildings
I did not understand what the wall of debris was
only that it was louder than anything I had ever heard before
louder than a planes engine
louder than grandmother yelling at us for breaking her china
louder than all the ladybugs and fireflies in the world
buzzing inside one jar
the power lines snapped
the electricity was gone
Akiko was holding a jar.
Her little hands and face were glowing
She did not know
Grandmother picked Akiko up
turned to me
and said calmly
"Hitomi, you must be tough now"
The last thing I remember seeing
was the white of foam crashing through the fence
and separating me from my daughter and Grandmother
Akiko was still laughing and holding her buzzing jar
I am searching the city every day now
I am sleeping on the 5th floor
of a parking structure
I am hungry.
I am walking the coastlines at Miyagi
with many others
Searching through the thousands of bodies
Secretly hoping I find nothing
I am trying to be tough.
It is the 5th night now
My belly is kicking
In my dreams my husband is building a house
a million feet high
And I am holding Akikos little hands
through the holes in my pockets
And the sirens are turning into voices
saying "We are under the water
We are under the houses"
And the insides of my belly are buzzing and glowing
