Marlon Brando

On R&R, My brother held up his beer.
Offering it to the ceiling fan
And yelled to the whole world.
"God Bless America... And No place else!"

And the neighbors
On their balcony cheered back
"Right on man!”

And so did all the other 49 states.

We had a good laugh at that.

We skateboarded through Isla Vista
And breathed the salty air
deep in our lungs

Later,
I learned that
If drunken linoleum face planting
were an Olympic sport.
Id be the stuff of legends

And the next evening
When we crept along rocky coast
My brother told me that the black gum stuck to our legs
was oil
left over from a spill in the 70's
And that dead and dying animals
were still washing up
4 decades later.

Sometimes deaths' leftovers stick to you
For years.

Church of the Chronic Under-Acheiver.

Procrastinators: Leaders of Tommorow! My inner slacker often becomes my outer slacker.

I wrote the Holiest of books
on the hood of a car
in the middle of summer

I want to start a cult,
without the white robes and incest
I want the Woodstock Movement
without the Waco ending

We will live under life-gaurd shacks
and believe in pinky promises
trampolines, and loud sex

We will carry our lunches
in red handkerchiefs tied to sticks
Because we beleive in Ham Sandwhiches,
and the open road.

We throw water balloons
at other cars on the freeway.
Because we only believe in popping them,
or pretending they are boobs.

We will use brass knuckles
to enforce the NO Beard policy

We believe in breaking bottles,
and arriving 1 minute too late
to EVERY train station
So that we can board it with horses,
like Bank Robbers in the Wild West.

We believe in the magical quality of Crop Circles
and roller coaster butterfly stomach syndrome

We believe in climbing trees,
bangsticking sharks
and bonfires fueled mostly by marshmallows
and black gunpowder.

We believe in foodfights,
and pray to neon signs pointing west.

We root for the 340lb sommersaulting gymnast at the Olympics

No matter what your name is
We will call you "Herby"
All Day

We believe in samurai sword vs. cinder block battles.
And that Oprah is probably a cool guy.

We say "Listen here preggo, I can't hear you,
over that screaming baby in your stomach!"
When we mean
"Theres something great in there"

We are no good at discussing fine art
But we can put the emphasis on MOAN
every time the art curator says "Mona Lisa."

We believe in tearing apart expensive putting greens
And taking our glasses off to see better

We are the Church
of busy city intersection light saber fights.
And beached whales stuffed full of TNT.
Exploding!

We decorate fancy cars
And silicon fun bags on Trophy wives
with putrid whale guts!

Because nothing is more sacriligeous to us
than people who dont appreciate Ninja Stars

Our ism has no name
It doesnt NEED a name
Because everyone believes in being happy.