Someone once told me, to be a "Favorite is something we all want to be" I didnt know what the fuck they were talking about until I read D. Browns poem, and thought....Ahhh...yes. I even realized it like that too, I said out loud "Ahhhh yes" Then I was flipping through a magazine and there is a picture of a turtle, smugly mounting another turtle doggy style. They looked like some happy turtles.
School was as useless to me
as a box full of napkins
next to a cold BBQ pit
so I dropped out of the 5th grade
And spent all my summers karate chopping
watermelons to into gooey nothingness
in my grandmas garage
perfecting the art of kissing
on my hand
and acting and talking tough
to mirrors that called me "Frodo"
...by the time I was 32
I was smashing
cinder blocks to dust
with the wrecking ball of my face
and kissing?
lets just say
practice makes perfect
and by now
Id be perfect times infinity
I may not be Bruce Lee
but Im tough.
Like woodpecker lips.
And nobody calls me Frodo anymore
they call me
"Lou-sir"
Its French for "Badass"
or some shit....
When I met you at the fair
you asked me if I wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel
Do I?!
We weighed it down with our thick and heavy kissing
until later, amidst all the electric light and young noise
I decided to tell you about myself.
And win you over.
I told you I fight bears for a living
.......It was the only thing I could think of
but you still sighed like you've been running
from bears your whole life.
I told you about
my cool skills
"For instance
I know how to build a hovercraft
..and...."
well thats pretty much it
but if you ever want to float
I'd keep you suspended
for as long as you can handle
not being a part of the earth
I dont need to be your first lover.
Or your best lover.
Just your favorite.
After my Zombie Survival and Awareness meetings
we went back to the garage
and had a Karaoke contest
until our lungs were sore
from intense competition
and I had to bark
"Shut the fuck up!"
to get you to put the mic down
and you yelled "Fuck you"
and Grandma hollered from upstairs
"Hey! Theres a whole lotta fucking going on down there!"
and we went back to singing badly
until you asked me if I thought you were pretty
Of course I said
"Your lips
...your lips are so big
you look like you could whisper in your own ear.
And with those glasses...you look like you can see the future."
(Thats pretty to me)
And you smiled as wide as the Mississippi
like you've been talking to yourself your whole life
and those big ass car wind-shields on your face
really are magic
but nobody knows
except me
Shhhh.
The fist time we slept together
I had a feeling I wasnt any good
But I tried.....
A few days later I snuck into your journal
and read the entry from that night:
"We fucked like.....turtles."
So....you're saying Im pretty much an animal!?
You always indulged me in playing dress up
like the time you put on a leather skull cap
and a red scarf, and a huge pair of goggles
and sat in the side cart of my motorcycle
we grew curly mustaches in a day
and raced from Oceanside to Austin
robbing every 7/11 we could
like space age outlaws
We were rediculous
we went 100mph
in a 20 zone
and you flirted our way out of a ticket
It made me jealous and proud
I held the cashiers at gunpoint,
and yelled for you to
“Grab everything we need for a post apocalyptic Mad Max scenario.”
And you ran frantically through the store
and filled your pockets.
We stopped down the road a few miles
and you emptied your pockets.
And my proud face went blank
Fruit roll ups?
“ Dude….You stole 7 fruit roll-ups, and a root beer?
Dude….epic fail.
What kind of fucking mad max movie did you have in mind?”
And you were all
“Dude Im a pussy,
I didnt want to get caught stealing
a bunch of stuff!"
And I yelled "What kind of pussy?"
and you said "A Big one"
And I said "No way! Thats the worst kind!"
And I thought about disconnecting your damn little side cart at 90MPH,
the whole way through Arizona.
Later you asked
Do you still love me when I mess up?
Yes,
I love you even when you're a pain in the ass.
How much of a pain in the ass?
Mother in law pain in the ass.
Oh thats a bad pain in the ass....
Remember when you asked me
if I would still love you if you were fat?
"As long as you picked me over a pizza."
You re-assured me
Pizza, was my only competition.
You always were the honest one
You once drank the Niles worth of cheap wine
at your brothers wedding.
And confessed to me,
that I wasnt your first
and that "Turtle"
doesnt translate to "Animal"
in the way I thought it did
And then you said I wasnt your first
Or your best.
But I was definetley your favorite.
And it wasnt "Opposite Day"
